The Big Gay Moment of Realization: Did you have one?

Some people have known they were gay (or bi or ace or pan or whatever sexuality you happen to be, just not straight) since they were kids. Some figured it out when they were in middle school. And some are just now figuring it out in their 30s. Everyone has their moment of realization at some point.

But my question to those of you who aren’t straight is: How many of you had a moment where you just knew?

Personally, I didn’t get that. I didn’t have that oft-spoken-of moment in time where everything just clicked into place and it felt like you were seeing the world the right way for the first time. I didn’t even have a time where it was creeping up on me and I saw a girl one day (speaking from my dfab point of existence) and I was like “oh shit.”

I don’t remember exactly how my Big Gay Moment went, but I know it involved a lot of shrugging and the vague thought that “Okay, so I’m kinda gay? I still like boys though , what does that make me?” I don’t count that as a BGM, by the way, it was more of a very creeping, slow realization (that in retrospect, I probably should’ve noticed) of the fact that I was very very not straight.

But fast forward to several years later: A lot of the queer people I know talk about their Big Gay Moment (or Big Trans Moment, in some cases). Most of them are in the range of pretty-to-very confident in their identity. Me, I’ve never really been set in stone about who I am. I’ve always been pretty much a walking question mark. I never had a BGM moment either. I’m not sure that they’re related, but I think they might be.

But going back to my question to you: Did you have a BGM? Do you think having one (or not having one) had any effect on who you are now?

I’m really sorry this sounds like school questions oh god.

(I just noticed I hadn’t had a category for LGBTQ+ themed writing before today, wow, that really needed to be fixed)

About Danny

I blog about whatever's on my mind. Usually that's stuff like Harry Potter metaposts, writing, and LGBTQ+ topics.
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3 Responses to The Big Gay Moment of Realization: Did you have one?

  1. nevillegirl says:

    Can I share this post on Facebook? Because I luffles it. I think it brings up some very good points. I never really had a BGM, either. Like, there are events/memories that stand out pretty clearly as “whoa I’m so gay” moments NOW, but… not back then. I guess I figured out my identity/came to terms with it quite gradually? There’s a memory from when I was nine, for example, that makes me go “wow I was so gay and I didn’t even know it” because I’d get these huge crushes on girls but I thought that meant I just wanted to be best friends with them. And then later on once I’d figured out what it REALLY meant, I was still in sooooo much denial so yeah, I only gradually realized I was the gay nerd I am today. 😛

    • Danny says:

      Yeah sure, go ahead!

      Same tho omfg. I used to think I liked my karate teacher just because she was awesome and older (she was a senior in hs, I think) and cool, but now I see it was totally a crush and I was so oblivious.

      And like I’d stare at girls the same way I’d stare at guys, but I thought it was just platonic. Pffffft. It took me a looooong time to get from the denial stage to the baby gay stage to now, though.

  2. Pingback: Be My (Hella Late) Valentine | Lollipops and rainbows

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